so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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