this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
