Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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