This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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