Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
