Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
