He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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