This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i think my cat just said my name.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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