someone threw a dead crab at me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
