White coat. Heels.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
