you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.