she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet