you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!