I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.