Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW