how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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