Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is Oprah even human
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
