can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
