Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
