so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
