I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I want a musical about memes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize