Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
