How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
