I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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