Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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