If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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