Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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