No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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