Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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