come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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