meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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