I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
People in love make me want to vomit
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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