just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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