its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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