just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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