you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
