My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
