I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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