my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
