i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I love having hate sex.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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