I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
