Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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