does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
my liver is dry heaving
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
