I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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