if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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