In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
