His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
