you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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