also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
