I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
