Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
