sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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