you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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