White coat. Heels.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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