my sisters under your porch take her home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
