i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
