I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
