that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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