a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
