i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize