she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
