I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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