some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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