1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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