people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
